INVENTOR DOGS
During the great
Industrial Revolution of the 1800’s, human development soared to magnificent
heights. Suddenly machines began
spitting out vast amounts of intoxicating smoke to decorate our skies and
spinning metal gears ripped fingers off low-paid workers to aid the human race
in efficiency and ease. These were
considered modern times as farmers gravitated to the cities in vast numbers. For society, this was the future, and the inventions that surrounded it
have made human lives more productive ever since.
Alexander Graham
Bell…Thomas Edison…The Wright Brothers…Henry Ford… This was just a small
smattering of names that suddenly caused time to blast forward at an alarming
pace. And it all happened in the
Nineteenth Century. Oh sure, there
were inventors in times past (remember the wheel?) but they were few and far
between. Along with airplanes,
elevators, light bulbs and miraculous modes of communication, came fits of
hysteria, paranoia, and strange new medical terms such as *“Railway Brain” and
*“Railway Spine.” With the notion
that their pocket watches could instantly stop if they crossed under an
electric street lamp, the common human was terrified. There was too much movement and, for some folks, it was
simply too fast.
Akin to their human
counterparts, Dog Society and Dog Culture also saw spurts of amazing growth
during this feisty era. Inventor
dogs were the bark of the town around the community water bowl and the city
fire hydrants. Because of a lack
of resources available to canine inventors, (such as electricity and proper
research laboratories), dogs tended to use a lot of sticks and found objects
for their ingenious creations. One
such invention seems to have turned the world of dogs upside down on their
ears! A dog, by the name of
Buggwugg in Tennessee, noticed his master’s boot one fine afternoon. As it eminated an intoxicatingly stinky
and sweaty smell, Buggwugg grabbed it by the laces and hurled it across the
room. The leather was tasty to
chew and Buggwugg could hide it almost anywhere in the house to his master’s
dismay. Buggwagg invented a grand
toy! And like electricity, the
concept of a boot as a toy zipped across the world of dogs at an amazing speed.
Another powerful invention,
a stick, was noted by scientists and animal behavioralists as the most popular
dog toy invention of all times.
Believe it or not, dogs didn’t figure out the fabulousness of the stick
until the 1800’s. Occasionally a
dog would chase a stick in the past, but it wasn’t until the Nineteenth Century
that a dog named Bully trotted proudly with a stick in his mouth to the patent
office in Washington, D.C. and demanded a patent for his new invention. The barking was too much to take and
Bully bullied his way into world fame on April 18, 1885.
Soon earth-shattering
inventions followed: a sock, a pinecone, a stuffed animal with the eyes ripped
out, dirty underwear… The list of
joyful joys was incredible! Okay,
all these inventions were apparently toys, but we must give these crafty dogs
credit where credit is due. Most
human inventions were aimed at work.
Dog inventions were aimed at play.
And this insured canines everywhere from having grotesque fits of
melancholia and hysteria. Dogs may
have been sent to the doghouse from time to time—but they sure weren’t ever
sent to the sanitarium!
*What
were Railway Brain and Railway Spine?
Funny you should ask. These
two curious conditions were legalized ailments, which could be brought to court
against a city’s commuter train companies in the 1800’s. Basically, they were a headache and a
backache! Victorian people, who
began using the new commuter trains of the Guided Age, feared their brains were
shaking around violently in their heads by the speed of the trains. (Oddly, no one seemed to think riding a
horse would cause the same problem.)
And the concept of stress, or Freud’s famous anxiety disorders, simply hadn’t
been invented yet.
