FLYING SAUCER DOGS
There is much debate
among scientists today on whether or not dogs are capable of flying spacecraft
in the future. No really, there
is! In 1957 the Soviet Union made
a grave mistake in sending Laika, a small mongrel stray, in one of their
Sputnik satellites to orbit the Earth.
She did not come back alive.
Then the US got on board with a bunch of chimps and monkeys (and I think
some mice) because they didn’t want to let the Soviets beat them to the
punch. Disastrous results
occurred, though a few of these brave and terrified creatures survived. (Those particular monkeys who did
return probably sucked down anti-depressants for the rest of their lives.) If we humans wanted to get into space
so bad, we should’ve just tested it out on ourselves to start with. Isn’t that what the thrill of space
discovery is all about? But, as
modern animals increase in intelligence, the debate still goes on.
Now there was one
flying dog of the Twentieth Century that defied all logic and baffled even the
most fit scientific minds: Snoopy.
We all know that Snoopy (apparently, a beagle) flew around the sky on
top of his very own doghouse to fight the dastardly Red Baron. This leaves many unanswered questions
here. His doghouse appeared to
have absolutely no wings, no propeller, no visible controls in the cockpit, and
no wheels. How did Snoopy pilot
this thing? Could this have made
Snoopy some sort of extraterrestrial?
And what of that invisible Red Baron? Was this notorious criminal only a delusion in this famous
beagle’s mind or was this German villain just another space alien flying in
orbit amongst us Earthlings? And
what would happen if both of them crossed over the Bermuda Triangle? Was Snoopy part of some intergalactic
mission to ignite World Peace…or was he just sent here to drive Charlie Brown
crazy? These important questions
could go unanswered for all of eternity.
With the exception of
Snoopy, zoologists have not discovered any other modern canines interested in
the aviation sciences. Watch out
for the future! As we accelerate
forward in time, we will find out that dogs are just nuts about outer space! Dogs will grow bigger brains and
opposing thumbs around the year 3088.
During this century, humans will also grow massive brains (and somewhat
ugly heads) and begin to construct state-of-the-art spacecraft that will just
be outta this world. No really,
these spacecraft saucers will be advanced enough to propel themselves out of
our solar system with the greatest of ease. And this is where dogs will really show their true
talents—in piloting the new saucers.
Currently, some dogs enjoy riding in cars,
but who knew they would eventually fly spacecraft that can move at the speed of
light…and not bump into anything?
Around this time period, dogs will also have the ability to speak to
humans through the power of ESP, (Extra Sensory Perception), so there will be
no problem when landing a saucer in heavy traffic zones. Apparently, Schnauzers and Sheepdogs
will become the most adept at piloting these phenomenal flying machines. Scientists and scholars will end up
deducing that these particular dog breeds are the super pilots of the canine world
because Schnauzer, Sheepdog, and spacecraft all start with the letter “S.” Humans, at this time, will still have
problems with over consumption of alcohol, but since we all know dogs don’t
drink and drive, we will be able to trust dogs to take us out into space to go
places and see things we’ve never even imagined…and to boldly go where no man...or dog has gone before!
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