BARKS FROM THE PAST: DEPRESSION ERA DOGS!

"I rememba' the good ol' days when we dogs ate garbage and dirt.  There was none of this newfangled Chuck Wagon or Gravy Train--where you mixed water with the crunchies to make "gravy."  What the hell kinda horsefeathers is that?  And I rememba' a smart dog never slept in his owners bed 'cause they had more fleas in that there mattress then on the floor.  And ya didn't have no squeaky toys neither.  You made yer own toys.  I once saw some kids playin' Kick The Can, so I went out and found the rustiest, grittiest can I could find and I carried the filthy thing with me fer days.  (sniff sniff)  I loved that ol' can.  Wish it was still with me." 
~Ol' Henry

LETTERS TO THE POOP EDITOR:

Dear Poop Editor,
I still want to get my head frozen in a Cryogenics lab.  Maybe I can come back as Benjamin Franklin, being that he is as educational as I am.  
Barkingly,
BANANA-THE EDUCATIONAL DOG
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Dear Banana,
Benjamin Franklin is from the past.  Cryogenics (if it really works) works to preserve your head for the future.  How can you say that you are "educational" if you do not know that?  
Wags and Wiggles,
The Poop Editor
-----------------------------------------------------------------Dear Poop Editor,
I will not listen to a word you say.  Please excuse me while I read an exciting book on Astro Physics.
Barkingly,
BANANA-THE EDUCATIONAL DOG

LETTERS TO THE POOP EDITOR:

Dear Poop Editor,
I had my owner read me your article about long hair for men. I am too young to read myself.  Ummm...I think I might've copied Benjamin Franklin's hairdo.  Is that wrong?  I would never do the "comb-over."  I don't have enough fur on top.
Licks and Love,
NED (ELLINGTON, CT.)
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Dear Ned,
It is never wrong to do what is best with the fur you have.  It looks very nice on you.
Wags and Wiggles,
The Poop Editor

DOGGIE DO'S #2 (AFGHANS AND SPANIELS!):

LONG HAIR FOR MEN

     Let us leave behind the opulent curls of the poodle and concentrate on long, straight hair—with a bit of a tousle—for men.  Here is where the original influence of long male hairstyles becomes obscured and indefinite.  We all know that hippies of the ‘60’s, and later Fabio enjoyed this wind-blown coif, but did this long, straight style arise from the Afghan hound or the Swedish Viking? 

     When you study an Afghan’s hair, you will notice a straight part in the middle of the head.  Try parting it to the side and see what happens.  It won’t last for long.  Plunk.  The canine hair (or fur) falls directly back into a center part.  Try the same thing with a Swedish Viking—though this would be a difficult task considering these Thor-like men don’t exist anymore.  But, after painstaking study of historic pictures and working with manikin wigs, scientists have found the same relentless center part on the heads of Viking men.  So who began to sport this lavish style first, or did they both happen to fall on it simultaneously? 

     As history has it, the Afghan hound was “discovered” by Europeans in the 1800’s in Afghanistan.  But wait!  The Vikings (guys like Thor) were carousing around and raiding villages from 800AD through the 11^th Century—probably even longer than that.  So, were these elegant, spindly dogs impressed with what they viewed on the pages of Viking magazine ads, featuring the latest leather boots and horned hats of the time?  But wait, again!  Just because the Western World “claims” to have discovered Afghan dogs in the 19^th Century, how can we be so egocentric to believe that these creatures could not have existed before setting our Western eyes on them?  Couldn’t the Afghan have originated earlier than that?  Scientists now theorize the Afghan trotted amongst the ancient Egyptians.  Could it have been that Vikings got a hold of Afghan dog magazines and spotted the long, flowing blonde hair in some of their fashion ads featuring collars and water bowls?  It is such a befuddling mystery that consumes us all!

    Our next mystery involves balding longhaired men and dogs with the same hairstyle tastes.  Take the example of Benjamin Franklin and the Cocker Spaniel.  Now we know for a fact that Benjamin Franklin was around in the 1700’s, working on his almanac, creating hoaxes for his brother’s newspaper, flying kites in the rain, and wooing wealthy French women to convince their husbands to aid in the Revolutionary War effort.  But when did the Cocker Spaniel first come under the radar?  I have a strong feeling Ben Franklin was under the influence of these bouncy canines.  The Spaniel family goes back as far as the 14^th Century.  (For all us Americans, take the number with the “th” after it, and revert back one more number.  14^th Century becomes 1300’s.  Wow, that’s a long time ago!)

     Balding has been a problem since the beginning of time.  A way to trick an onlooker’s eye into seeing vast quantities of hair would be to grow the sides into long locks: Cocker Spaniels…Benjamin Franklin…Richard O’Brien of the Rocky Horror Show...  And though the Cocker Spaniel is not literally bald on top of it’s cranium, it still has very, very short fur.  The comb-over, with lots of hairspray, is another fine trick to obscure baldness, but dogs seem not to have been influenced by this human deception in the least.  (Scientists and zoologists are still searching the globe for evidence of the mysterious “comb-over dog.”) 

     And there you have it.  The wind-blown center part and the longhaired balding look are historic marvels indeed.  Human men and dogs have both donned these hairstyles for eons and will find reassurance in them for years to come.  This is why dogs continue to be man’s best friend! 

FLUFFY (COMMENTARY ON DOGGIE DO'S #1!):

Daaalings, I am completely horrified and indignant that a poodle of the past would allow their gorgeous curls to be shorn in the shape of a silly pyramid!  What a travesty to my fair breed!  Hmmmph!

DOGGIE DO'S #1 (POODLES!):

THE HISTORY OF DOGGIE HAIR STYLES

     Everybody thinks that poodle have the “heads up” on great doggie hairstyles, but this is just not so.  Chinese Cresteds, Komondors, Afghan Dogs and Brussels Griffons—just to name a few—have sported dazzling and sometimes bizarre hairstyles for centuries.  Dog Society and Dog Culture has a unique love affair with hair (or fur, rather) and it’s manipulation for protection from the weather and for adornment.  As we begin to comb the surface of the history of doggie hairstyles, the dividing line of demarcation begins to blur as we consider who influenced who—humans or dogs? 

     Since the poodle is the first canine that comes to mind when we consider the idea of a well-groomed hairstyle, we shall start with this graceful, poop-u-lar creature and it’s lovely, curly locks. And because history presents a hair puzzle for us that is so completely intriguing and elusive, a proper answer to the following question may never be found: Which came first, the Human-do or the Poodle-do?  This topic has caused arguments between zoologists, hairstylists, and groomers since the beginning of fashionable times.

     First off, due to the straight-edged blades on early scissors, the poodle cut began with a rather boring cube shape, followed up by a pyramid shape, (Could this have been around the time of the Ancient Egyptians?), which finally culminated in a circular or “bubble” shape.  By the “Bubble Period,” scissors could be formed to have a bend in the blade, and perhaps, groomers simply got better at their craft.  We notice humans, especially the French, becoming influenced by the bubble shape of the poodle around the 1700’s.  Marie Antoinette was a strong promoter of a extremely large bubble style in her massive white wigs.  (Her wig even screamed elegance as the peasants paraded her bloody head around on a stick after extracting it from the guillotine.  Now that’s fashionable!)  And isn’t it curious that poodles are French?  They even bark in French.  (Hmmm?  Maybe the Egyptian poodles were French.  Now that’s something to think about!)

     Another fascinating aspect of the Poodle-do is it’s built-in permanent wave.  Humans will do anything for luscious curls upon their heads, but poodles are blessed with them naturally.  Beginning with the 1920’s, the very first human perms were concocted with electrical curlers connected to the head from a machine, which appeared to be a cross between an octopus and an electric chair.  A blast of electricity would basically fry the hair into a fuzzy shape.  A proper poodle would have absolutely none of this.  And this is why it is believed elderly ladies are so envious of their canine curls.  The “Elderly Lady” or “Brillo Pad Do” is an example of the look that women in their seventies, eighties, and nineties are most fond of.

     So we must ask ourselves, as we stare deeply into the sky on a starry, starry night and ponder all the questions of life itself: when it comes to the trends of curly hairstyles, who really influenced who?  Unless we can trace an authentic “bubble look” back in time before the 18^th Century, the Human-do will never have the edge on the poop-u-lar Poodle-do.              

MAVERICK (COMMENTARY ON DOG FOOD!):

Q: Maverick, do you like your dog food?


MAVERICK: Ahhh sure, I'll eat anything.